Skip to main content

Next.

"What's next?"

A question pressing unceasingly in the back of my busy mind.
It is drenched deeply in more questions of "how" and "where," "why" and "with whom."

But the biggest questions are:

"What if?"

"What if?"

Fears: unfounded by who God is. By what he promises.

He whispers,
"Do not be afraid, my child.
I will not leave your side.
My arms will never unwrap from this loving embrace.
As I lead, you can skip alongside me as a trusting child.
You need not question where this path leads, merely enjoy skipping along with me."

I want to.

I want to believe.

I know that what you have for me is good. And not necessarily good in how this minuscule mind sees goodness. Your goodness is not how I see it. Your success is not how I view success. Your love is not even how I know it.

I know that where you take me, there you will be. I know it. I know I need not fear.

But in the meantime, how do I get there?

And I can't help asking, "What if I miss out on something greater?"



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I miss you in the exact same moments.

Today marks eleven months since our daughter Avery died inside me.  Eleven months since we saw her beautiful face for the first and last time. Eleven months of feeling so proud to have had her as our child, and so broken that we didn't get to keep her here with us.  And in a couple days, our second daughter will be born. Not even a whole year since we said goodbye.  As many moms that have lost their babies too soon would tell you, pregnancy after loss is not for the faint of heart. Our story of getting pregnant again is an incredible one. Every time I think about it, it floors me. (See our previous blog post). God has gifted us AGAIN with another beautiful daughter.  But, there are pieces of it all that I find myself pulled in every direction. Every time someone congratulates me on being pregnant, a part of me wants to scream about it, knowing that there is no guarantee we get to bring home this baby girl. A part of me wants to stop them and tell them abo...
Post a Comment
Read more

Avery's Birth Story

This is our firstborn, our daughter Avery's birth story. While I believe every birth story is beautifully full of pain and joy, I understand that this might be hard for some people to read, so I wanted to just give a heads up: This includes beautiful photos of our little girl, who was stillborn. I am going to share the details of her birth, which even for living children, can be a bit much for some to read. It's written haltingly, in mere facts; my thoughts and commentary may come in other posts, but this is mainly to tell a story. This is a story of life and death. This is the story of an immense love, a profound loss, and a good God. Yes, He is good even in this. Avery Michelle. I was 29 weeks pregnant. My pregnancy had been relatively normal. I have Ulcerative Colitis, which had flared up at 5 weeks pregnant, and I had been pretty sick off and on during the 6+ months I was carrying our baby. We had been nursing my UC with prednisone and enemas to keep thin...
4 comments
Read more

Ulcerative Colitis: the story of a sick, bleeding colon

I remember growing up and priding myself on the fact I had never really been sick. I had never had surgery, broken a bone, spent any time at the doctor beyond the occasional check-up. Then came 2013. And the autoimmune diseases started. I was 23.  I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease after a summer of weird symptoms, but not a lifetime of discomfort. There was one weekend of me puking with a ton of stomach pain, a blood draw, and a diagnosis of Celiac disease.  I had to cut out gluten cold turkey. Cold turkey sandwich, hold the bread, FOREVER.  But my symptoms didn't get better.  I had blood in my poop. Regularly.  I had a colonoscopy during Christmas break of 2013. Not my favorite way to spend a holiday. Results? "You have an irritated colon: here's some steroid cream to stick up your butt, you should be better soon."  Fast forward to June of 2015. It's now been about two years of blood in my poop. Keep in mind I am living in...
1 comment
Read more